What Matters Most - Gwynne Forster
Bullet points because I don't want to have to think about this anymore than necessary:*The writing was like reading someone's very first fan fiction (only technically proficient).*The dialogue was beyond ridiculous. I shouldn't be thinking of Leave It to Beaver when reading a contemporary book. No one, no one speaks like that in real life in the 21st century. This was a complete and total failure to make these characters sound like believable human beings.*They kind of read like old timey robots programmed to do improv. The dialogue was that stilted and their conversations would start off making sense, but one would end a sentence and jump to a non-sequitur literally in the same breath. I felt I was yelling, "WHAT?! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM, THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!" every other page. They'd be having some ostensibly sweet moment and the next thing out of his mouth is something entirely random that set off a fight. 'Oh, Jack, this dinner was scrumptious!" (yes, it sounded exactly like that) "Thank you, Melanie. Why do you keep denying you have any feelings for me?" I AM NOT EXAGGERATING. This was constant.*If you don't want to write cursing into your book, that's fine. Having adults in their 30's say things like "gosh", "gee", "heck" constantly makes them sound utterly stupid.*There was no continuity. They'd have a conversation and a few pages later one of them would say something that completely contradicted the conversation. 'Why won't you commit to me?!' Okay, except you've had like ten conversations where you've each confirmed you'll only be with each other. "Unless she could tell by the, Porsche, she doesn't know how wealthy I am and she doesn't care." Uhmmm, what in the actual fuck? Let's say the Porsche actually didn't tip her off to his wealth. I think him having an office in the rich area of town, paying for this clinic in the poorer area on his own, the fancy-ass wealthy things he wears, buys, throws around, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. would freaking tip her off! Honestly, the whole thing was this nonsensical.*Did an editor even read this?!*Worst attempt at an alpha male. Ever. It's not all that cute to begin with, but when the author writes it with all the deftness of a toddler finger painting it becomes painful. He is the most over sensitive, YOU MUST TELL ME YOU LOVE ME. WHY, EVEN THOUGH YOU'VE JUST SHOWN ME AFFECTION TWO SECONDS AGO, WILL YOU NOT SHOW ME/TELL ME THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME?! No lie, these are things that were said. Yet he was controlling to the point that he literally buckled her seat belt for her every time she got in his car. He would give her commands constantly. It was so clunky and awful. *The Heroine read more like a teenager than someone who is 31 years old (and not because she only referred to her father as "Daddy"). Her behavior and reactions to things were so stupid. But so were his. I wish they wouldn't breed, their children will be dumb as a box of rocks and emotionally volatile. And the reason why she was only finishing up her schooling at this age was never addressed.*The plot was so basic and clich├ęd. I still can't believe that this was somehow 300 freaking pages long. There was so much random crap. It makes no sense that it rambled on that long without really saying anything. No, seriously, so much of it didn't make sense! The character actions, reactions, interactions, and motivations were so dumb. Again, I spent way too much time stopping reading to exclaim how much what was going on made no damn sense whatsoever. HOW WAS THIS 300 PAGES?!*No, seriously, how is it even possible an editor read this?!Honestly, I could really delve deeper into all of these points and find new ones to bring up and give countless examples (which I kind of want to do because I want you guys to understand my pain) but I've already written more than I had intended. Apparently my abject frustration from reading this kind of poured out against my will.