Blackmailed Bride, Inexperienced Wife (Harlequin Presents Extra) - Annie West Beautiful Disaster  - Jamie McGuire The Ideal Man - Julie Garwood Every Breath You Take - Judith McNaught Redwood Bend - Robyn Carr Homeport - Erika Leigh, Nora Roberts

Day 11: A book that you hated.

 

While part of me wants to cackle with glee because today's prompt is so easy (especially after yesterday's) and cathartic, it's actually not that easy because I can't list all the books I hated, so I have to narrow down what I'll post about somehow. =/ Maybe I'll go with level of ragey violence, and I'll forgo DNFs and just go with books I finished. And no P2P, those aren't books.

 

My long, ragey review of Blackmailed Bride, Inexperienced Wife by Annie West.

 

"This book right here is everything I fucking hate about Presents and much more. I mostly skimmed the entire thing. Within the first few pages I hated the "hero" Dario Parisi. I wanted to commit violence unto him. Alissa Scott I didn't have as much of a problem with at the start, but at a certain point it turned and I wanted both of them to die a fiery death.

 . . .

I was so fucking angry and disgusted I started tearing up. I don't remember the last time I angry-cried. Then I pushed that down and got so pissed I actually beat the book against the wall.  . . . I also scraped my knuckle. It hurt for days. I had a book rage injury, you guys.

. . .

The second I skimmed the last line I literally threw the book across the room. I'm not exaggerating that in the slightest."

 

My review of Beautiful Disaster by Jamie "BBA" McGuire and the 138 rage-filled status updates I posted while reading it. (I've had the review part of my review of this written forever but I need to finish the rest! Maybe this will prompt me to move on that.)

 

"I cannot even begin to understand the popularity of this book. I have never said, "What am I reading?!" so much while reading a book in my life. The writing is just plain bad and heavy handed. The dialogue gets to be ridiculous and there is some odd word usage. There is no subtlety or nuance to the story. McGuire has to smack you in the face to get across the easy concepts she's trying to convey. We're supposed to think Travis is hot, sexy, and a bad boy so he is absolutely perfect at everything and sleeps with anything that moves. We're supposed to think Abby is sweet and we should love her, therefore all other women are bitches and sluts. There is no other element in this book where McGuire's inability to use subtly, convey points, or even write characters that readers can relate to or root for is evident more than the treatment of women. Hey, in the world some people are bitchy and some people are slutty. But in this book every. single. woman. who isn't Abby or America is either a bitch or a slut, or both. Yet every defense imaginable was used to excuse the nauseating amount of sex Travis had and his terrible behavior. 

 
The characters are cardboard thin and yet still manage to be some of the worst I have ever read. They are all terrible people whom I'm severely glad are fictional otherwise I'd lose more hope for humanity than I already have. Even the secondary characters were just awful."

 

My review of The Ideal Man by Julie Garwood.

 

Most of you have seen me rage the last several days about hobag sisters sleeping with husbands/fiancés and being forgiven for it. This is probably the absolute worst freaking example of that horrid trope. Read the spoilers in my review to get the full picture. Sorry if you gag on the disgusting. 

 

"Read only if you like Pollyanna "turn the other cheek no matter what someone says or does to you" B.S. The book is filled with terrible/evil people and gutless/spineless weenies. By the end I was rooting for everyone to get murdered. The characters were weak. The suspense was weak. The romance was exceptionally weak."

 

I honestly cannot figure out what would possess Garwood to write something like this, unless she was the Ava of her family and this is how she thinks she should have been treated. Thinking about this book still makes me want to punch something.

 

My ranty rage review of Every Breath You Take by Judith McNaught.

 

"This book was an absolute chore to read. It was slow, boring, and flat in the beginning as their "relationship" was established. Then when the story started moving the main characters were too stupid to deal with. Like I said, I don't usually skim books, but I had to in this case to get beyond Kate's drivel. And to try to finish this book as quickly as possible so I could move on to something that wasn't making me angry. I was reading this to relax during study breaks. Fail. Also, the synopsis of the book, at least on Goodreads, is absolutely wrong. They make it sound like the murder whodunit is the entire plot of the book, especially Mitchell and Kate being wrapped up in it. That's really not true. Literally the first 54 percent of the book is their first two days together. Mitchell was being followed by police, but that's about it. The crux of the whodunit really only lasts a chapter, because he's questioned on something stupid, and had an airtight alibi for the evidence against him that should have been investigated before he was even brought in. They asked Kate like five questions and nothing again because there was no case and it was easy as all get out to figure out who the real killer was. This is another book where the summary needs to be changed, badly."

 

The thing that really makes this a festering pile of rage is the presence of one of my most hated tropes. It automatically makes the heroine a heinous bitch I hope suffers horrendously. This one was made even worse by how utterly out-of-her-mind fucking stupid she is on top of being awful.

 

And yet another long, ranty review of Redwood Bend by Robyn Carr.

 

"I got suckered into Redwood Bend not just for the single mother with five-year-old boys, but because the hero was an actor considering a return to Hollywood. Well, crap. That makes two tropes I love. Maybe I deserved to get hit with every clichéd plot device and predictable element under the romance novel sun."

 

This book was hampered with lackluster writing, a bland, predictable plot, and a rage-inducing idiot heroine. (Hey, authors, do better with the heroines! Geez.)

 

Finally my somewhat long and ranty review of Homeport by Nora Roberts.

 

"In the end it was the execution of the characters that made this book painful for me and ultimately ruined the story."

 

The hero conjured bile, he was that terrible and unstable, and the heroine was an idiot. Plus there was a dose of the Cassie Clare special in the end that had me in search of brain bleach.